Clergy & Congregational Coach
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Helping clergy and congregations navigate transitions with faithfulness and curiosity

My blog has moved to Substack! You can find new articles weekly there.

Use the button below to search the blog archives on this website.

Posts in mentor coachees
Join me on Substack!

As of October 1, 2023, my weekly articles will be posted only on Substack. I have been playing around with Substack, cross-posting articles there and here on my website for the past couple of months. I’ve found that I really like it over at Substack because 1) it is even more flexible and user-friendly than Squarespace and 2) there’s a greater potential to build community. Here’s what you need to know:

  • I will still update the rest of laurastephensreed.com regularly.

  • Entries on my laurastephensreed.com blog will remain here. I will not migrate or delete them.

  • If you are a subscriber to my laurastephensreed.com blog, I have switched your subscription to Substack for you.

  • If you are a subscriber to my monthly Mailchimp newsletter, I will not automatically add you to my Substack. (You are certainly invited to join me over there, though!) I will continue to send out a monthly newsletter, because I think that’s a better place for announcements than Substack is.

  • There will be free and paid subscription options on Substack. With your free subscription you’ll get new content every Tuesday like I’ve offered here. With a paid subscription you’ll get an additional article, resource, or giveaway once a month that is exclusive to those who opt for a monthly ($7) or annual ($60) plan.

Questions? You’re always welcome to contact me!

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash.

The blog is moving!

I have been playing around with Substack, cross-posting articles there and here on my website for the past month. I’ve found that I really like it over at Substack because 1) it is even more flexible and user-friendly than Squarespace and 2) there’s a greater potential to build community. Over the course of September, then, I will begin migrating my current writing to Substack. Here’s what you need to know:

  • I will continue cross-posting articles for September. Starting in October I will post new writing only on Substack. (I will still update the rest of laurastephensreed.com regularly.)

  • Entries on my laurastephensreed.com blog will remain here. I will not migrate or delete them.

  • If you are a subscriber to my laurastephensreed.com blog, I will switch your subscription to Substack for you.

  • If you are a subscriber to my monthly Mailchimp newsletter, I will not automatically add you to my Substack. (You are certainly invited to join me over there, though!) I will continue to send out a monthly newsletter, because I think that’s a better place for announcements than Substack is.

  • There will be free and paid subscription options on Substack. With your free subscription you’ll get new content every Tuesday like I’ve offered here. With a paid subscription you’ll get an additional article, resource, or giveaway once a month that is exclusive to those who opt for a monthly ($7) or annual ($60) plan.

Questions? You’re always welcome to contact me!

Photo by Erda Estremera on Unsplash.

If I could be like Mike...

As a kid learning to love basketball as Michael Jordan was emerging as an NBA superstar, I was curious about the Netflix docuseries covering his final season with the Chicago Bulls. I found several aspects of the series fascinating: Jordan’s exaggerated sense of competition, his rise as a cultural icon, his role in making individual endorsement deals as a team sport star commonplace. (By the way, did you know Nike was a small company specializing in track shoes until Jordan signed a deal with it straight out of UNC? I didn’t.)

But it was a quote from a journalist in the last episode that really grabbed me:

Most people struggle to be present. People go and sit in ashrams in India for twenty years, trying to be present. Do yoga, meditate, trying to get here, now. Most people live in fear because we project the past into the future. Michael is a mystic. He was never anywhere else. His gift was not that he could jump high, run fast, shoot a basketball. His gift was that he was completely present, and that was the separator.
— Mark Vancil, quoted in the Netflix series "The Last Dance," episode X.

Michael Jordan’s gift wasn’t his athleticism, it was his ability to be present.

That’s quite a statement. It’s also a ray of hope to me. I’ll never have great physical gifts. I’m a decent preacher, but no one will ever call me the GOAT. Sometimes I’m slow to respond in conversation. But being present? That’s something that I - that you - can conceivably do. That’s the real gift, and it’s available to us.

Sure enough, being present is especially tough right now when the demands are greater and our roles overlap in messy ways. That’s also why it’s even more important. If we can be where we are, if we can be with the people around us, if we can stay in the present without worrying about how our leadership will be received or obsessing about what our choices are doing to our loved ones, not only will this time be more bearable, it will also make us better pastors, parents, friends, and citizens.

What do you need in order to be deeply present? Keep it simple: a deep breath, a focusing verse of scripture or image, a ritual that helps you transition from one mode or task to the next.

I wonder what incredible, relational things we might be capable of if we leaned into this superpower.

Photo by Eilis Garvey on Unsplash.

Taking time to transition (re-mix)

I wrote the post below three years ago, with all the blushing innocence that 2017 afforded us. I think, though, that taking the time to shift our foci between tasks is more important now than ever. The pandemic has smushed our work and personal lives into one amorphous mess, compelling us to try to do all the things while feeling like we do none of them justice. But what if we took a deep breath in between answering an email and answering the ten-questions-in-one hurled at us by our child? What if we spent a few moments in centering prayer in between Zoom calls? What if we took a short dance break in between filming worship segments? What if we did a brief body scan at bedtime and stretched out areas of tension so that we could rest better? We still wouldn’t have all the time we needed to complete our to-do lists - that’s simply not possible right now for many of us - but we would be able to show up more grounded for others and be kinder to ourselves. You are worth that, and so are the people you care about at church and at home.

I love my lists and my Google calendar. They make my chaotic life feel manageable(ish). Still, there are times when the to-dos meld into  asinglerunontask and events overlap. That’s when my brain kicks into hyperdrive, my eyes dart around my desk, and my heart picks up the pace. I’m TCBing, with output of questionable quality. I’m everywhere at once, but nowhere fully present. Maybe you can relate.

I confess that I sometimes I sing “I’m Every Woman” to myself with whiff of pride. But it’s not always (often? ever?) good to be every woman at every moment. I don’t want to be mentally running through research while eating dinner with my family. I’m not my best self as a leader if I’m sketching my sermon outline during a committee meeting. It’s hard to give good pastoral care to someone who is grieving when I’m still coming down off a tense conversation with a colleague. Yes, there are times when I have to manage multiple responsibilities, but not as often as I try to.

Hence the need for transitions: into and out of my workday, from one task to another, between conversations that require emotional awareness and sharp mental focus. Anytime a shift in mindset is warranted, I’ve got to take a moment to close one internal file and open the next. This transition allows me to consider how I want to show up for the situation I’m about to enter and to re-center myself so that I can live toward those intentions.

There are any number of ways I make the shift – sometimes more successfully than at other times, I admit. Taking deep breaths to re-set my brain. Jotting down notes about what I’ve been doing so that I can fully set that work aside and come back to it later. Doing a couple of quick yoga poses or pilates exercises. Shutting my eyes for five minutes (making sure to set an alarm!). Queueing up the playlists I’ve created for settling down and amping up. Turning over loose threads to God and asking for awareness and guidance going into whatever is next on the agenda. Taking a lap around the building.

What are the ways you transition from one task or event to the next, or even into and out of your day? Where do you need to build in a couple of minutes on the front and/or back end of your to-dos so that you can fully be you – insightful, compassionate, prophetic, gifted you – as a pastor and a person?

Photo by Suad Kamardeen on Unsplash.

Question burst

We live in a time with many questions and few answers. Wouldn’t it be great to get just a few?

In a webinar I recently attended, presenter Hal Gregersen suggested the way to obtain those answers was to - wait for it - ask more questions. In an exercise he calls “question burst,” he sets a timer for 2 to 5 minutes and invites individuals and teams to name as many queries about their current challenge as possible. Don’t filter, just jot down a question and move on to the next. When time is up, those participating are encouraged to look at their lists of questions. Often a deeper concern to be addressed or a first step forward emerges.

This exercise makes a lot of sense to me. Too often we stop at obvious or surface questions, moving quickly to trying to solve the problem. But because the questions don’t get at the root, the responses don’t actually fix anything. If we just keep asking, though, we’ll start to get somewhere.

Next time you’re facing a challenge or planning a new initiative, take a few minutes to engage in the question burst exercise. You might be surprised by how much more and meaningful progress you’ll make.

Stay curious, my friends.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash.

Ongoing referral special and referral sheet

As I imagine is true for most coaches, the bulk of my new clients come from current coachees’ outreach to colleagues who might benefit or casual word-of-mouth recommendations. I am very grateful for these referrals! I want to make it easier for people to tell others about the value of coaching and reward their efforts in doing so.

To that end, I have made this referral sheet available in PDF format, and you can click on the image below to save it as a PNG file. It names the people and groups I work with, details my vision for and approach to coaching, differentiates coaching from counseling and spiritual direction (two disciplines that are distinct from but dovetail nicely with coaching), and provides information on how to get started. Page two, should you choose to keep reading, provides some testimonials.

When potential clients sign up for a free discovery call, I ask where they found out about my coaching services. If they name you specifically, you get two free one-hour coaching sessions. If you’re a current coachee, those two sessions get added to the end of your package. If we’re not coaching together right now - and even if we never have! - you get two sessions to use at your convenience. That’s a $200-300 value, because referrals are that important.

Thank you to all who have recommended my coaching in the past, and thanks in advance to those who will. It is a privilege to serve the church and its leaders in this way.

New service: mentor coaching

I have had a few mentors over the seven years that I have been coaching. When I was preparing to apply for my current credential, however, I knew I wanted a clergywoman as my mentor coach. I searched for a while until I found the right person. Janice Lee Fitzgerald listened to my coaching sessions (recorded with coachees’ permission!), helping me hear where I had done things well instinctively and where I had missed opportunities. She pushed me to reflect on how I could - though not necessarily should - approach situations differently. Most of all, she encouraged me to keep plugging along in the credentialing process when I wondered if I was ready to level up. Janice is still my coach, though her role shifted from mentor coach to supervising coach when I was awarded my PCC credential.

Earlier this year I was asked by Coach Approach Ministries to serve as a mentor coach myself for a cohort of emerging coaches. Having grown so much because of Janice’s mentoring, I eagerly agreed. When Janice heard that I had been offered this chance, she enthusiastically supported me and emailed me information on the mentor coach training she’d found so beneficial. (This is often how God speaks to me: through the voices of people I trust and respect inviting me to explore new possibilities.)

I started the Certified Mentor Coach program in March and completed it in late May. It was a fantastic experience, with lots of learning by observing and doing. I mentored, I was mentored, and I was coached by two trainers and four gifted coaches from India, Belgium, China, Spain, and the United States. I was sad when the class was over, and I was more excited than ever about serving as a mentor coach. I had so much fun listening to good coaching and encouraging good coaches.

I am excited to bring this new love of mentor coaching - of supporting and cheering on emerging coaches - to a wider audience. We are in a cultural moment, in the church and around the world, that demands us to make courageous shifts in our being and doing. Coaches can help leaders transition with intentionality and integrity. Mentor coaches provide feedback and reflection space for those coaches so that they can serve their coachees ever more effectively.

If you are interested in learning more about how I approach mentor coaching, you can find more information here. I would love to accompany you on your coaching journey.